It’s funny what shows up in the things we say. How often do you hear yourself say “I’m my own worst enemy”? What about “I need more self-discipline,” or “I’m no good at motivating myself”? We say things like this when we’re stuck – when there’s something we’d like to change or achieve, but it’s just not happening.
What’s good about these remarks is they show you know you can do it, and you know the only thing stopping you is some internal obstacle. “I know I could do it, if only I were more organised.” It’s not something external you’ve no influence over. In other words, it’s within your power to overcome it. And on some level, you know that.
So how come trying harder and harder doesn’t work? Because you’re pushing against yourself – trying to boss or bully yourself. The part of you that isn’t the boss or the bully just feels pushed around and small.
So try something different. What would a really good friend be like when you’re struggling with something? Well, they wouldn’t make you feel guilty and inadequate about being stuck. They wouldn’t be in a hurry to discipline you or motivate you, to dangle carrots or brandish sticks. They’d understand your frustration, not condemn it.
Your friend, being on your side, might well ask what YOU need. A break? Some fresh air? Some help or advice? Maybe they’d recommend you set aside the time you need, or the space to look at things more objectively. Perhaps they’d suggest you put your mind at rest about something that’s distracting or disturbing you. You know better than anyone else what that friend would say.
So look out for when you’re beating yourself up, and when you notice it, start being a good friend to yourself instead. It’ll take a little practice, but here’s a hint – your friend would say that’s OK too. You’ll get there.
Posted by marklister 
